pengertian hidup

Kehidupan ini mempunyai seribu satu erti dan makna. Dalamnya ada mengandungi pelbagai pelajaran bagi mereka yang ingin mengambil pelajaran daripadanya. Kehidupan ini tidak semudah yang disangka oleh golongan yang sambil-lewa dan tidak sesusah yang disangka oleh golongan yang tamak dan bergantung kepada dirinya semata-mata.

Hidup ini suatu lapangan, tempat di mana Allah s.w.t. menyempurnakan kehambaan para hambaNya yang ingin menyempurnakan kehambaan diri mereka kepadaNya. Hidup ini suatu peluang, tempoh untuk para hambaNya menzahirkan rasa kesyukuran, kesabaran dan keredhaan kepadaNya, yang merupakan antara ciri-ciri kehambaan kepadaNya.

Manusia yang leka daripada hakikat dirinya yang sekadar seorang hamba kepada Tuhannya, secara tidak langsung akan menghadapi kesulitan dalam berinteraksi dengan kehidupan itu sendiri. Ini kerana, apa yang dicari hanyalah kepuasan nafsu diri, kelazatan yang memberi manfaat kepada kepentingan diri sendiri, tanpa menghayati makna kehidupannya yang lebih sempurna, iaitu dirinya hidup sebagai hamba kepada Tuhan yang menciptakannya daripada tiada kepada ada, iaitulah Allah s.w.t. yang Maha Pencinta.

Seseorang yang hidup semata-mata untuk kepuasan nafsu dan kepentingan diri, kerana tidak menghayati hakikat kehambaan diri, pasti tersalah dalam berinteraksi dengan kehidupan ini, sehingga membawa kepada terasa terbeban dengan sebuah kehidupan yang sementara ini. Apa yang dikejar selalunya tidak dapat. Apa yang didapatinya juga tidak akan kekal bersamanya setelah dia mati. Di mana nilai sebuah kehidupan bagi manusia yang semacam ini?

Bagi seseorang manusia yang menghayati makna kehambaan diri kepada Tuhannya, pasti akan memahami kehidupan ini dengan maknanya yang lebih luas dan sempurna. Kebendaan dan duniawi tidak lagi berkuasa menawan kebahagiaan dan kelapangan hati dan jiwanya. Dia tahu, hidup ini ialah untuk menterjemahkan makna kehambaan diri kepada Allah s.w.t. dengan menunaikan ketaatan kepadaNya secara zahir mahupun batin.

Bertolak daripada itulah, akhirnya seseorang mula memahami bahawasanya, seluruh kehidupan ini, samada berkaitan dengan ketentuanNya mahupun penetapan hukum-hakamNya, merupakan penzahiran "interaksi" Tuhannya kepadanya. Seseorang hamba yang sentiasa menghadirkan rasa kehambaan diri kepadaNya dalam segenap tindakannya dalam kehidupannya, akan turut merasai kehadiran muamalah (interaksi) Tuhannya kepadanya melalui segala yang berlaku dalam kehidupannya.

Bermula dengan menunaikan ketetapan syariat dan hukum Allah s.w.t. dalam kehidupannya, maka penghayatan terhadap makna syariat yang dilaksanakannya dengan jiwa hamba mula bersinar dalam hatinya. Dia mula melihat hakikat di sebalik syariat dengan pandangan zauqi (perasaan rohani) kurniaan Ilahi. Dia mula menghayati bahawasanya, syariat ialah bukti kewujudan dan kehendak Tuhan yang menciptakan dan mentadbirnya dan seluruh alam ini.

Bertolak daripada itu juga, takkala dia menunaikan ketaatan batin (hati) kepada Tuhannya, dengan sifat-sifat mahmudah seperti ikhlas, jujur, tawadhuk, istiqomah, sabar, syukur, redha dan sebagainya, maka dia mula mengenali hakikat ketentuan Allah s.w.t. dalam segenap kehidupannya.

Apabila dia ditimpa sesuatu yang berat terasa oleh nafsu dan dirinya, maka di situlah peranan seseorang hamba dalam menzahirkan kehambaannya kepadaNya dengan melahirkan sifat "sabar" terhadap ketentuanNya yang menimpanya tersebut. Dia juga menzahirkan rasa lemah di hadapan Allah s.w.t. dengan mengembalikan ketentuanNya kepadaNya, dengan mengadu masalah yang menimpanya kepada Allah s.w.t. yang mengujinya dengan ketentuan tersebut, dalam rangka semata-mata untuk menagih keredhaan dan bantuanNya.

Seseorang hamba yang mengadu masalahnya kepada Allah s.w.t. dalam rangka untuk menzahirkan kelemahan dirinya kepadaNya berbeza dengan seseorang yang mengadu kepada Allah s.w.t. akan masalahnya dalam bentuk membangkang ketentuanNya.

Adapun seorang hamba yang mengadu masalahnya kepada Allah s.w.t. dalam rangka untuk menzahirkan kelemahan diri kepadaNya, tujuannya hanyalah untuk menzahirkan hakikat diri yang "lemah" dan sentiasa memerlukan bantuanNya dalam menghadapi ketetapanNya, sedangkan orang yang merungut di hadapan Allah s.w.t. mengenai ketentuanNya ke atasnya bertujuan untuk menzahirkan rasa tidak puas hatinya terhadap ketentuanNya yang tidak mengikut kehendak dan keinginan nafsu dirinya.

Mengadu dengan tujuan menzahirkan rasa lemah kepada Allah s.w.t. tidak mengandungi unsur mempertikaikan ketentuan Allah s.w.t., tetapi sekadar memohon rahmat dan bantuan Allah s.w.t. agar dia mampu menghadapi ketentuanNya dengan bantuanNya. Adapun orang yang merungut kepada Allah s.w.t. membawa maksud mempertikaikan ketentuan Allah s.w.t. dan terkadang boleh membawa kepada menyalahkan Allah s.w.t., seolah-olah dia lebih pandai dari Allah s.w.t.. Berbeza antara menzahirkan rasa lemah dengan menzahirkan kepandaian diri di hadapan Allah s.w.t..

Oleh kerana itu, Imam Abu Al-Hasan As-Syazuli yang menghayati makna kehambaan ini mengungkapkan ungkapan penuh adab di hadapan Allah s.w.t. dengan berdoa (dalam hizb al-kabir):

"Wahai Tuhanku. Aku tidak memohon agar tertegahnya apa yang Engkau mahu tentukan ke atasku. Tetapi, aku memohon sokonganMu (kepadaku) dengan bantuanMu kepadaku dalam setiap ketentuanMu ke atasku"

Nilai kehambaan ini juga pernah diungkapkan oleh Saidina Rasulullah s.a.w. dalam doa Baginda s.a.w. ketika di Thaif dengan berdoa:

"Wahai Tuhanku, aku mengadu kepadaMu akan lemahnya diriku…".

Nilai-nilai mengadu dalam rangka meminta bantuan daripadaNya dan menzahirkan kelemahan diri dan keperluan kepadaNya merupakan antara nilai kehambaan yang tertinggi dalam diri seseorang hamba kepada Tuhannya.

Oleh yang demikian, hamba yang beradab dengan adab kehambaan tersebut mula menzahirkan rasa memerlukannya dan bersabar dalam rangka untuk membuktikan kehambaan diri kepadaNya dengan sentiasa mengharapkan bantuan daripadaNya.

Adapun takkala dia ditimpa sesuatu yang menyenangkan diri dan nafsunya, samada kesenangan dalam bentuk kebendaan, rezeki, jodoh dan sebagainya, maka dia akan menzahirkan rasa kesyukuran kepadaNya dengan mengembalikan segala kebaikan yang didapatinya kepada Allah s.w.t., bukan menyandarkan kebaikan tersebut kepada usaha dirinya sendiri.

Inilah nilai kehambaan yang agung dalam diri seseorang manusia, di mana dia sentiasa berasa menghargai setiap kebaikan dalam kehidupannya kerana menghayati bahawa semua kebaikan adalah daripada Allah s.w.t., Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah.

Dengan rasa syukur tersebut, maka Allah s.w.t. menganugerahkan makrifatullah (mengenal Allah s.w.t.) kepadanya, dan menganungerahkan kefahaman tentang rahsia-rahsia muamalah Allah s.w.t. dalam segenap kehidupannya. Inilah kelebihan daripada sifat syukur yang dijanjikan oleh Allah s.w.t. yang berfirman dengan maksud: "jika kamu bersyukur, Aku akan tambah buatmu akan nikmat"… Penambahan nikmat yang agung adalah, kefahaman tentang hakikat diri, hakikat kehidupan dan hakikat ketuhanan Allah s.w.t. dalam kehidupannya seharian.

Hidup ini ialah tempat bemualamah secara beradab. Bagaimana seseorang ingin beradab dalam bermuamalah dengan Allah s.w.t. melalui kehidupannya, sedangkan dia tidak mengenal hakikat dirinya sebagai hamba Allah s.w.t. yang perlu beradab kepadaNya, tidak mengenali hakikat kehidupan yang merupakan tempat menzahirkan adab kepada Allah s.w.t. dalam berinteraksi kepadaNya dan tidak mengenali Allah s.w.t., Tuhan yang ingin menyempurnakan adab kehambaannya melalui kehidupannya?

Dalam hidup ini terkandung risalah-risalah Allah s.w.t. dalam segenap detik dalam kehidupan kita, jika hati kita sentiasa hadir dalam bermuamalah denganNya dengan adab kehambaan kepadaNya. Sabar dan syukur merupakan dua sayap utama bagi kerohanian seseorang hamba dalam menuju keredhaanNya. Setelah seseorang mencapai istiqomah dalam sabar dan syukur dalam segenap kehidpannya terhadap setiap ketentuanNya dengan bantuan Allah s.w.t., maka dia akan dianugerahkan rasa redha kepada Allah s.w.t. dalam setiap ketentuanNya.

Pada darjat "redha" inilah, seseorang manusia tidak lagi merasai beza antara ketentuan dengan ketentuan, tiada merasai susah ataupun senang, kerana hatinya sentiasa fokus kepada mencari keredhaan Allah s.w.t. di sebalik setiap ketentuanNya, dan menghadapi setiap ketentuanNya dengan pandangan redha kepada Allah s.w.t.. Sesungguhnya, redha kepada Allah s.w.t. ini merupakan darjat yang teragung yang dicapai oleh seseorang hamba Allah, kerana seseorang tidak akan meredhai Allah s.w.t. melainkan setelahmana Allah s.w.t. meredhainya dan berkehendak supaya dia juga meredhaiNya.

Kehidupan ini sebuah perjalanan dalam muamalah kehambaan seseorang hamba dengan Tuhannya. Nilai kehidupan adalah pada penghayatan seseorang terhadap makna kehambaan dirinya dalam kehidupannya, makna kehidupannya selaku hamba kepada Tuhannya dan makna ketuhanan Allah s.w.t. dalam kehidupannya selaku hambaNya. Tanpa makna-makna tersebut, kehidupan tiada erti bagi seseorang manusia. Hidup tanpa "makna", yang tinggal hanyalah "makan". Makan, minum, tidur dan sebagainya, dalam rangka memenuhi nafsu di sekitar usianya yang semakin menuju kesudahan. Akhirnya, dia di sisi Allah s.w.t. bagaikan binatang, bahkan lebih sesat dan rendah daripada binatang, kerana tidak menghargai nilai kehidupannya sebagai manusia yang penuh dengan makna-makna yang mulia.

Masalah kemurungan, kesedihan, penderitaan dan rasa malang manusia sebenarnya bukanlah kerana gagal menanggung ketentuan Allah s.w.t., tetapi masalah-masalah tersebut kembali kepada "tidak memahami makna di sebalik ketentuanNya" lalu membawa kepada kegagalan dalam berinteraksi dengan ketentuanNya sebagaimana yang sepatutnya. Tanpa menghayati makna kehambaan diri, makna kehidupan yang merupakan medan menyempurnakan kehambaan dan makna ketuhanan Allah s.w.t. dalam kehidupan, maka seseorang akan mencari kebahagiaan yang bukan sebenarnya suatu kebahagiaan, akhirnya dia terus menderita dan menderita dalam rangka untuk mencari kebahagiaan menurut persepsinya.

Kebahagiaan bukan pada kepuasan nafsu, tetapi pada terealisasinya kehambaan diri kepada Allah s.w.t.. Kekayaan itu ialah kekayaan jiwa, seperti yang diberitahu oleh Baginda s.a.w. yang mulia. Hidup ini bukan tempat setiap orang cari apa yang dia mahukan, tetapi hidup ini ialah tempat setiap orang menunaikan tujuan asal dirinya diciptakan. Kalau mahu terus mencari makna kebahagiaan selain makna yang diingini oleh Tuhan, maka setiap langkahmu dalam mencarinya adalah suatu penderitaan. Akhirnya, yang kamu himpunkan hanyalah penderitaan demi penderitaan.

Wallahu a'lam…

Al-Faqir ila Rabbihi Al-Qawiy Al-Qadir

Raja Ahmad Mukhlis bin Raja Jamaludin Al-Razi

('AmalahuLlahu bi lutfiHi)

alkisah si puteh

pada hari sabtu bersamaan dgn 6 ramadhan 1419 hijrah, di waktu subuh yg hening.. bondaku bersiap2 untuk pergi menunaikan solat subuh berjemaah di surau berdekatan rumah kami.. si puteh pula dgn gembiranya telah bersedia di depan pintu.. untuk mengikuti sesiapa sahaja yg keluar melalui pintu itu untuk bermain bersama2.. bondaku dengan cepat keluar dari rumah kerana telah kedengaran azan menandakan waktu subuh telah pon masuk.. dia tidak perasan akan si puteh yg mengikutinya di belakang untuk bersama2 pergi ke surau.. pada pandangan si puteh, bondaku mahu mengajaknya berlari2 di sekeliling kawasan rumah.. namun sebenarnya surau terletak agak jauh dari kawasan rumah.. dan perlu melalui jalan besar yg dilalui oleh banyak kenderaan.. selalunya kucing2 kami tidak pernah sampai ke kawasan jalan besar.. kerana kawasan perumahan kami yg luas berserta rumah jiran2 yg ada.. telah menjadi tempat persinggahan wajib bagi kucing2 kami.. jiran2 kami juga sudah kenal akan haiwan perliharaan masing2..

si puteh ialah seekor kucing yg telah diambil dari rumah makcikku di kampung.. kebetulan rumah beliau penuh dengan aneka jenis binatang.. dari 6 ekor hamster hingga ke lebih dari 7 ekor kucing.. pernah satu ketika mereka telah membela seekor anak musang.. sementelah rumah kami sunyi kerana cuma ada seekor sahaja kucing.. jadi kami pon ambil seekor yg dipanggil 'skunk' oleh keluarga makcikku.. kerana warna bulunya yg seperti skunk itulah dia mendapat nama itu.. dia adalah kucing yg pendiam.. akan hanya bersuara bila lapar.. dan suaranya kedengaran serak2 basah.. tidak pernah dalam seumur hidupku mendengar suara kucing seperti itu.. itulah pertama kali aku mendengarnya.. pada mulanya terasa sakit telinga bila mendengar dia berbunyi begitu.. tapi lama kelamaan alah biasa tegal biasa.. dan terasa macam tak ceria hariku jika tak mendengar suaranya.. bukan sahaja aku malah seisi keluarga berasakan begitu..

berbalik pada hari kejadian, semasa bangun sahur.. dia ada menunggu di sebelahku.. kerana memang rutin harian apabila aku makan dia akan duduk bersama2ku di atas kerusi.. dan tunggu sehingga aku habis makan.. kerana aku akan memberinya makan selepas itu.. sempat juga aku bermain/bergurau senda dgnnya.. dan itulah kali terakhir aku melihatnya.. oleh kerana tiada ikan goreng yg lebih pada hari tu.. jadi tak dapat aku memberinya makan nasi.. aku hanya memberikannya whiskas.. dia agak kurang gemarkan whiskas.. mungkin kerana dia adalah kucing kampung.. jadi seleranya adalah nasi dan ikan.. tapi pagi itu aku nampak dia seakan selera walau dgn hanya hidangan whiskas.. ataupon mungkin kerana lapar yg amat sangat.. kemudian, dia mengikut ibuku keluar utk ke surau.. menurut kata ibuku, pada hari sebelumnya dia menunggu ibuku balik di sebalik pokok besar yg memang ada di tepi jalan sebelum ke simpang besar.. tetapi pada hari itu.. dia tiada di situ.. ibuku beranggapan dia telah balik ke rumah.. malangnya dia tiada di rumah... bermulalah pencarian kami di seluruh kawasan rumah, kawasan rumah jiran.. pada sebelah petangnya bapaku sanggup berjalan kaki ke bazar ramadhan yg terletak lebih jauh daripada surau.. semata2 mahu mencari si puteh..

kehilangan si puteh amat terasa oleh satu keluarga.. hinggakan ibuku pergi bertanya kepada nenek yg mempunyai kelebihan mendapat alamat dengan gerak rasa hati.. katanya.. 'sudah jauh perginya dibawa lari orang'.. walaupon selepas mendapat berita itu.. kami tetap mencarinya sekitar kawasan kejiranan kami.. tetap tidak ketemuan.. pengajarannya, setiap yang datang akan pergi.. setiap kali kita rasa seperti sesuatu itu kepunyaan kita.. belum tentu akan kekal selama2nya di tangan kita.. semuanya adalah pinjaman semata.. semoga puteh diketemukan dengan tuan yang lebih baik dari kami.. terima kasih kerana menceriakan hidup kami walaupon untuk seketika..

virgin of road accident

my bro had involved with quite a nasty accident on the 6th of aug.. he was on his way to workplace after his class.. our family had never encounter this ordeal before.. we had zero experience on hospital procedures.. but thanks to my obsession of grey's anatomy, house and the latest korean version of grey's series.. i was the only calm person from the girls pack.. mom and all sisters were all crying and i believe couldn't even think straight on what to do next.. mom is the severed one.. she almost fainted even when she first received the news.. when we'd arrived in the hospital and saw my bro's face covered with blood.. she cried and hugged him.. my bro has even try to talk to reassured her that he's fine.. and don't worry.. ya right with the blood cover all over your face, with broken arm and with torn shirt and pant.. how could we'd all be alright..

since we didn't really unaware of the hospital procedures.. we just go with the flow with whatever nurse asked us to do... she asked us to register my bro's name if we want him to stay there for the operation.. so i went to register his name.. that's when a mistake has been made to complicate things a bit.. but after 2 hours.. nothing has been done to even clean his face... or dress his broken arm wound.. bcos blood keep streaming out from that wound to the floor.. like a bottle of syrup spilled to the floor.. i couldn't locate the exact wound so i couldn't see where is the blood coming from.... bcos they simply tied a stretch to support the broken part but not to dressed the wound.. i'm afraid to move the arm but i'm the brave one to wipe out the blood.. it even spilled to my jeans and shirt.. at this point my mom was so pissed with his state and condition..

we had to wait on the line to get stitches for his wound below his right eye, cheek and chin.. the nurse said they will clean all his wound when they is do the stitching.. but to wait right there and then is very painful.. bcos i could feel that even my bro could no longer endure the pain... i could see him struggle himself to contain himself from bursting out.. it's so hurtful to even watched that.. that's when we decided to transfer him from there.. so, i started to call SMC to ask what is the transfer procedure.. and we have to find our own transportation.. since we already registered his name, we had to wait for the release form/letter from the A&E doctor and the specialist.. in this case orthopedic.. when we decided to do that, the nurse immediately transported him to clean his wound and change him to the hospital's robe.. my mom came to her conscious state at this point.. she just lashed out at just about everyone in the room, the nurses and the doctors on their's stalled action to clean up my bro.. she said 'kenapa baru skrg nak bersihkan luka dia.. tak payah.. biar kitorg bawak jek berdarah2 camtu to SMC.. dari tadi dok biarkan budak tu'.. i just tried to calm her down by brought her outside.. when the doctors started to investigate what was really happened and the nurses to clean-up the mess..

after maybe 30 minutes, finally everything was ready.. st johns ambulance has been waiting to transport him.. so, we went straight to the SMC.. even the doctor whom a family friend had stand-by for him there.. we waited until he transferred to ward.. after x- ray, CT scan etc.. it was around 4am at that time.. the nurse asked him to fasting for operation procedure the very next morning.. everyone so exhausted and took emergency leave the next day.. me end-up with 3 days emergency leave.. he spent 4 hours in the operating theater.. alhamdulillah.. everything went well.. 2 rod cast irons has successfully screwed tightly on both 2 bones in his right arm... good for him though.. dapat la bercuti panjang.. if not asyik keje memanjang.. he received loads of visitor during visiting hour.. even his boss from about every rank i would say.. datang jenguk him.. GM, head of section, manager etc.. ada yg sampai 2 kali dtg bwk plak bos2 lain yg tinggal jauh as far as sepang, ampang.. sangat bagus.. patut la dia sanggup stay lagi keje kat situ walau pon graveyard shift.. lucky him! as for moi, i don't really mind stay there, bcos they sell such a delicious pastries in the cafe.. yummy yummy.. even mom fall in love with them...

spiritually cleansed

i went to ESQ training session last weekend.. at first i don't know it would be based on quran sunnah.. or there would be any correlation between history and science with quran.. i just thought it would teach us on how to control emotional and spiritual.. i kind of needed this spiritually cleansing session though after feeling down couple months ago.. after feeling so give-up with life.. astagfirullaha'zim.. berdosanya aku.. sedang allah almighty tak pernah give-up pada aku yet.. alhamdulillah.. allah beri kesempatan bertaubat dan beri hidayah dari tempat yg tidak disangka2.. at first my name wasn't listed because my others' collegue supposed to go.. but since she couldn't make it.. HR replaced my name.. so me, alhamdulillah with open mind and open heart.. i said ok.. at least I could be away from the office for a while.. that's the main reason though.. so why not!

now, i'm still at home so very sick.. with sore throat, very high fever, bad cough, flu etc.. even the doctor gave me 2 days MC.. because he said my temperature is quite high.. and if the fever still wouldn't subdue after 2 days.. come back to the clinic and do blood test.. to check if it's dengue fever.. oh gosh!.. that's clearly the doctor perception.. the truth is.. my heart was pumping so fast and i feel seram sejuk is because of feeling so scared, so kerdil, so berdosa, so not worth it to received hidayah from ALLAH the ALMIGHTY.. sesungguhnya allah itu lebih dekat darimu dari urat lehermu sendiri.. i'm imagining myself as a dust.. without this body, bones, blood.. i'm simply a dust.. i'm simply nothing..

i never been to this kind of training before.. for me it is very powerful and very truthful and very mind blowing.. i never thought of life would be this way.. we already know most of the stuff they taught in there.. it is the question of how much do we 'absorbed' that knowledge in our life.. this is really something out of the box thing.. the training consist of singing, games and not talking semata.. and the speakers is a very charismatic and a very good story teller.. plus a very good looking as well.. so very eye candy to look at.. so tak sempat la aku nak mengantuk.. suka sangat cerita pasal rempit, status quo of social status, shopping trip to bandung, and even tarian poco-poco yg aku pon sampai now still tak tau apa ke mendenya tu.. he is well versed with our m'sian esp melayu society life.. walau not local people... maybe dah lama based kat KL kot.. study pon kat UIA dulu.. no wonder la kan..

whatever it is yg dia sampaikan tu banyak betolnya.. banyak kebenarannya.. since that example is so very near to us.. for example, me myself yg rasa macam dah penat sangat nak buat keje kat umah.. sampai aku terfikir berapa lama aku larat nak buat mende2 ni semua sorang2.. why adik2 aku tak nak tolong aku buat mende2 tu.. tapi whatever kita give kita forget.. cukuplah malaikat sebelah kanan ni menulis amalan baik kita.. cukuplah bonus yg ALLAH akan beri pada kita di kemudian hari.. but of course.. semlm kita ingat mende tu.. tapi hari ni lupa balik.. sesungguhnya hidupku matiku hanya kerana allah ta'ala.. i learned all this thing at school.. but then bila dah lama2.. dah lama tak praktikkan apa yg belajar dulu.. rasa macam tersesat jalan pulak.. and what i like the most sebenarnya tak menjadi dosa if kita ada cita2 besar.. cita2 mahu menjadi kaya raya.. cita2 mahu menjadi org yg berpangkat besar... and do everything with hardwork and perfect way.. bcos whatever Allah creates are all perfect.. tapi apa sahaja yg kita lakukan itu MESTI berpaksikan kepada ALLAH.. which maybe most of us not practiced.. the question is are we able to do that or not? this is the classic scenario knowing but not practicing.. ilmu yang kita dapat HARUS disebarkan dan diamalkan.. in fact this is one of the question that would be asked later.. adakah ianya antara amalan yg termasuk dalam amal jariah yg kita kerjakan.. wallahu'alam..

this training includes scientific findings and historic events to support ayat Quran.. i always love it when they do this thing.. i always try to fascinate myself with whatever God's creation.. bcos whatever HE creates is always PERFECT and BEAUTIFUL.. very clear and near example is ourselves.. very complicated chromosoms, DNA etc.. even before this pon i like science.. and i try to relate them with ayat Quran.. that's why i try to read Quran with the meaning as well.. but here they do it more precisely and more accurately.. and in a very subtle way.. and I do treasure history.. walau even masa kat sekolah tak suka sangat.. but now I try to read and learn anything related to history.. sangat emotional bila cerita pasal rasulullah SAW.. memang from sekolah2 dulu pon if belajar pasai Nabi Muhammad SAW.. mesti rasa sayu sedih hiba sangat.. when baginda kena baling batu, when kena cemuh and kena maki dek kafir quraisy.. ya allah ya tuhanku tetapkan rasa kecintaan padaMu dan pada Nabi Muhammad yg ada sedikit di dalam hatiku ini selama2nya... aminn..

when we see where to go, we see how to go, now is time of total action to achieve pengabdian diri pada ALLAH.. to all my friends, minta maaf jika saya menyusahkan kalian semua.. minta maaf pada segala keterlanjuran kata perbuatan sengaja atau pon tidak.. terima kasih kerana atas rasa kasih dan sayang telah mengambil berat berkenaan diri saya.. sangat concern and sangat caring.. hanya ALLAH yg dapat membalas jasa2 kalian.. jika nabi muhammad SAW itu tiada, mungkin kita juga tiada di sini.. cintailah allah, malaikat, rasul, kitab2 and hari kiamat.. and our long term vision is syurga... please go here https://esq.com.my for more info.. i highly recommended this training.. jika ada kelapangan.. and kelebihan rezeki.. please take time and invest your money on this training.. you will become alumnis for the rest of your life.. the benefit is whenever they conduct the training, you can join and participate to 'RECHARGE'.. for free of charge..

beware!

Recession is coming.. make your own judgment, don't panic !!
Do what is wise.
The recession looks very eminent. It is really time to take pro-active steps to avoid a painful time in the next two years which is how long the recession is expected to last.

Suggestions:
1. Don't take any loans, buy homes, properties with loans, or even cash. Keep as much cash as possible.
2. Pay off as much of personal loans, private loans, as debt collection will be hastened.
3. Sell any stocks you can even at lower prices.
4. Take money off from Trust Funds.
5. Don't believe in huge sales forecast from customers, be extremely prudent, lowest inventories, reduce liabilities.
6. Don't invest in new capital.
7. If you are selling homes/properties/cars, do it now, when you can get good prices, they are going to fall.
8. Don't invest in new business proposals.
9. Cancel holiday plans using credit cards.
10. Don't change jobs, as companies will retrench based on 'last in first out'.

Stay cool, wait, and if you took all of the above actions and more, you probably will be better off then many.

This is not a rumor. Bear Stearns is the first of many banking and financial institutions that will start falling in the not too future. If Bear Stearns can fall, so can JP Morgan, Citibank, HSBC, and the whole world.

US economy falls, the rest will crumble. India and all those self economies will be the most protected, but not gullible. Europe may be a little stronger, but not China, another giant! Malaysia will see significant impact.

OOOoooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOOoOOOOOoooooOOOoooooooOOOOOooooooOOO

received this forwarded email from a friend.. i kind of see this thing coming, too.. am i a psychic? NO! it was just a hunch.. with everything going on in the world right now.. price of basic necessities going up like crazy.. who knows when it'll stop?.. natural disaster i.e. flood, tornadoes, drought and so on.. an unfortunate events i.e. political turnmoil in some of the countries.. we kind of feel that slight change after the election as well.. so, i kind of see it coming to us...

a letter from heart

dear sisters,

i wrote this letter to cleared some air and expressed myself in a right way.. as you all know when i'm blasting out in rage, i tend to babbling-out and most words that came out of my mouth were like bullets.. sharp and fast.. which sometimes i regret that i did say that.. so i guess i better put in words (and in a civilized manner) of what and how my feelings towards whatever you've done.. i just felt that it is one of my obligation that i need to fulfill.. and simply because i love you all..

i know that i'm not the nicest sister you all have maybe because of our distance relationship when you were still little girls.. i'm away from home across the globe.. and that i think shaped our relationships today.. our bonds seemed a bit shaky.. you were all grew-up before my eyes blink in your own way and i wish i was there to guide you.. i'm still here to guide you.. anytime anywhere..

i wish everyone is perfect.. i still hope that, but i know it is impossible to wish the impossible thing to happen.. but the most important advice i wanted to give is.. NEVER CROSS THE LINE.. it would be difficult to turn back to the original position.. i know the life on the other side of the line seem like a happy place to be.. let say if you did cross the line.. it is like you're left stranded and thirsty in the middle of the desert.. and you thought you see an OASIS in a hot steamy day.. but the truth is THERE IS NO OASIS.. THERE IS NO WATER TO DRINK.. then only you realized what you saw from the other side of the line was all ILLUSION and NOT REAL.. i know you don't know what LINE i'm talking about... it is what we called GREY area.. like grey shades in a pie chart.. no one ever perfectly know where is the line.. but you have to clear your mind.. and make the right choice/call/judgement.. if you're in that 50-50 situation.. when you're stuck in the middle.. never do the 'unconventional' things too far.. mistakes are acceptable.. but not the BIG one.. or not SMALL one but REPETITIOUS...

to the oldest ~ please grow-up!.. i never wanted to yell and to scold you.. you are about to get married for GOD sake.. i expected you to help me out with the house chores because you are the only one i could depended on.. at least i thought so.. but you always pissed me off.. you treat the house like you're living in the hotel.. at least they have housekeeping to do chores but we never have one.. the fact is you're back at home sharp after working hours.. could you help me out a little bit since my timing to reach home is the most unpredictable one.. but still even i reached home after 10pm at night.. i still washed the dishes (both full sinks) simply because i never wanted mom to do for us.. and my eyes sores simply just by looking at them..

to the middle ~ you're my only hope.. i'm counting on you.. because we do have the same character.. but you'll do it when you feel like doing it.. i never couldn't expected it would be done on a daily basis.. especially now since you have a boyfriend.. your time seemed pre-occupied with special/prior engagement.. i know you're the smartest one in the family.. but that doesn't give you a privilege to not helping us out at home.. you're still a sister and a daughter..

to the youngest ~ you know what you did was VERY VERY 'unconventional'.. and i felt like slapping you when i discovered it in the mall when we were out together.. but i never wanted to make a SCENE right there and then.. you would felt embarrassed and ashamed of having me as you sister.. i try to refrain myself from exposing you.. aku bukan jenis yg suka bukak aib orang.. i could see disgust from your brother's face.. all three of them.. it felt like you back-stabbed us with a really sharp knife on our's back really fast and really hard.. so before you make some stupid decision to pierced somewhere on your face THINK LONG AND THINK HARD!.. you are not living alone by yourself on this earth.. you still have mom, dad and me who cares on whatever you'll do!! we're not dead yet you know! in the future, please compose yourself in a very DEEP thought process and think about people around who lives with you.. what would they say/feel when you do this or that.. DO NOT BE SELFISH!.. your friend maybe think you're so cool to do that or whatever.. but they would easily leave you when you're in trouble! i bet my word on this! clearly, you're in THE MIDDLE OF THE LINE.. 50-50 INDECISIVE on whether to go for it or not! or maybe you're already so sure to do this.. it doesn't really matter.. because YOU DID CROSSED THE LINE!!

i'm so tired both work and home.. that's one of the reason i wrote this letter to all of you.. so simply put your feet on me and mom shoes.. we are so tired being expected to be like bionic woman and do just about everything.. don't it ever occurred to you all that we needed help?.. besides, we live in the same house together.. it's not like we live in the hotel and there's nothing to do besides sleep or shower or eat.. there's house chores to do.. simple thing without me to have to yell at you to do.. i even hated to yell because of this small thingy.. it's part of your responsibilities.. as a sister and as a daughter.. if you never wanted to change.. let me tell you one thing, it is a very tough world outside.. when you're done with your studies.. if you never wanted to take responsibility on simple things like this.. then, i guess you would never have a tough skin to survive in reality world.. and people won't trust to give you something extra simply because you're simply lack of responsibility.. and plus people don't like to befriend with lazy people..
and NEVER betray the trust family's has given to us.. it's a privilege you never wanted to lose.. family will STICK with you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!

i apologize for everything harsh i said to you all.. i never meant to say those words.. i just hope you all change/grow to a BETTER/GOOD HEART person.. not change to a WORST/HEARTLESS person.. i do hope that at least you feel twitched or at least has some compassionate.. rasa belas kasihan for me and mom.. we're not getting younger you know.. if let say you don't love us.. and hate us so much!!.. think of this advice as if i'm pinching real hard to wake you up from DREAMING.. if you have a HEART you would be at least try to change yourself.. at least, proof it to me that you're capable of changing yourself.. and proof it to me that i'm so dead wrong!.. but if you don't feel anything, then probably you're an ALIEN or non-homosapien from a different planet.. and probably you're not even my sisters..

from,
-your so called evil sister who love you all so very much-

i wish..

i wish i'm not here at my workstation and working.. i wish i would be :-

~ in front of the tower of pisa italy
~ sightseeing downtown of st petersburg or moscow russia
~ riding a gondola in venice
~ inside the musee du lourve paris
~ watching euro game in stadium whether in salzburg or vienna
~ on top of the great wall of china
~ in cabin lodge overlooking snowy mountain and frozen lake in kashmir
~ on a boat ride on the lake michigan chicago
~ somewhere in the middle of the prague city
~ in the university of edinburgh (simply love the campus view)
~ somewhere in the heart of tokyo city
~ picnic outing on the river bank overlooking the golden gate bridge california
~ walking down the street somewhere in christchurch or auckland new zealand
~ on top of the alps or the everest mountain
~ shopping somewhere in downtown of vancouver canada
~ in the middle of the 'gold souk' in dubai

and last but not least..

perform prayer in the masjidil haram makkatul mukarramah or masjid nabawi madinah..

aminnnn..

sour cream news

mom has been hospitalized since last monday.. i've been accompanied her to do her check-ups this couple of weeks.. earlier than her scheduled appointment.. so i kind of see this thing is coming.. since she already started her practical training in b@ngi.. at least for 2 weeks.. she'd been very busy and tired i guess.. that's why her asthma is getting worst.. plus she couldn't bear the long drive back and forth for 1 1/2 hour journey everyday.. she's clearly needed break and rest.. plain and simple.. so it wasn't really surprising..

then, my bro got his result the day after mom admitted.. it was pretty impressive i would say.. i never thought he could pulled it off.. well, based from the last semester result, of course.. but he did it with flying colors.. it was top and off the charts.. almost 3.0 cgpa.. he's the one who always surprised me with things.. and most of them were GOOD THINGS.. although, his looks is like one of the 'mat rempits'.. i remembered i said this to him, 'biar la muka macam mat rempit tapi hati bersih, baik and educated'.. so, i guess it is easy to talk to the 'lurus bendul' ones rather than to the 'adventurous but sneaky' ones.. plus he already got the scholarship to stay there.. despite his thought of moving to the college somewhere here..

so, that's it for now.. i'll update later..

*mom already check-out from the hospital just now.. alhamdulillah..*

luncheon reunion

we had luncheon gathering/reunion at s3oul g@rden last weekend.. it has been months since we'd planned this occasion.. i would say it was a success.. 90% of person who'd planned to attend made themselves available on that day.. only one person couldn't make due to sickness/bad fever.. according to her, she would always fall sick after school holidays.. i would say it was due to lack of nutritions.. on the school holidays she's been working like crazy and would always skipped breakfasts and lunches.. i guess that's the major reason..

since the price of fuel has (and still) fuel-up as well, like a shooting of rocket to the moon this last couple of weeks.. i have planned not to drive.. the plan is i would go to kl on saturday and spend a night at my friend's house at @mpang.. then, we would go together the next day.. it was such a relief to be away from home once in a while (kind of evil statement.. i know..) moi met with jaja at klcc around 5pm.. we did some window shopping.. it was kind of last minute decision though.. i'm supposed to meet her at seti@wangsa.. but i thought, it's been months since my last visit.. so what the heck.. sambil menyelam minum air.. i don't know when i'll be in kl after this..

FYI i had been 'fasting' from shopping probably started 2-3 months back.. last thing i bought was a blouse from t0psh0p.. it was on 50% sale.. i had planned to buy that blouse since first laid eyes on it.. if it goes on sale.. and it did.. i'm so happy to made the purchase that day.. i even found out recently the price had been marked down further.. well, maybe the blouse was too decent.. i guess people would go for sleeveless or short sleeve version..

so, back to the luncheon story.. by 1pm everyone who had submitted their's name to come has showed up.. mostly took the train.. it's easier and convenient since some of us were not familiar with the place.. we had 2 separate line-up of tables.. 1st group who came in early consists of moi, jaja, amy's family and matun's family.. azfa joined moi and jaja later since she'd came alone.. 2nd group consists of mimi's family, iffah's family and kak emi.. there was one hiccup, i would say.. the waiter refuse to fire-up the stove because there's only 2 person on that table, kak emi and her brother who'd came in late than everyone else... i guess the waiter expected the two of them to join the rest of us.. because we had about 4 other spaces on each table which is seated for 4..

1) emi's family of 3, 1 child - 1 space
2) moi, jaja and azfa - 1 space
3) matun's family of 5 - no space
4) mimi's family of 3, 1 child - 1 space
5) iffah's family of 3, 1 child - 1 space
6) kak emi and bro, 2 persons

i guess i understand the reason why.. but the thing is the table was not separated even from us.. it was just next to each others and line-up together.. and the restaurant was not even packed with people at that time.. if 'bulan puasa' maybe la we would consider.. and what about a couple then?.. would they refuse to fire up the stove too? luckily, azfa and iffah had done a good job fighting for this.. even spoke with the manager on the phone.. there was no manager on duty at that time.. they depended solely on the workers who are not even local and expected to maintain the profit.. not forget to mention rude manners towards us all.. goshh.. tak paham gue.. so, in the end problem solved after fully forced and determination from azfa and iffah.. thanks and good job you guys..

all in all, managed to catch-up with everyone.. emi yg dalam dilema whether to further study or to follow husband relocate to s'p0re.. matun the housewife.. mimi, jaja and moi are kind of in the same boat.... bosan dgn keje.. azfa, yg same-0 same-0.. working with dad, nak kisah apa.. iffah, the dedicated gov servant.. kak emi, kaki yg bertambah sakit due to accident in past years.. and still bertahan ulang alik keje kat kl..

enjoy seeing you all and hoping that we will meet again in the near future.. including outstation people.. especially chem in taiping (the pity sick lady) and dayah in sg petani (the always with reason).. priority to meet both of you, since you guys are still single.. until next time..

emotional

~ so very busy with work yet still broke
~ so very frustrated with everybody at work and home
~ so very sick mentally and physically
~ so very demotivated to fight of surviving this life
~ so very clueless on how to improving financial situation
~ so very loss to find way out of a very deep and dark labyrinth
~ so very fed-up taking unscrupulous orders from people
~ so very hate on feeling unsecure on just about everything

from,
moi

double birthday

Happy 55th Birthday to mom on 1st March..
and Happy 21st Birthday to my sister, Nurul on 9th March..

May you have good health, fortune and happiness throughout your life..
May all your wishes come true..
May you live longer to lead a wonderful life..
May God lead you to the right path and shine you with the light..
May God bless you in whatever you do..

Aminnn..

from,
loving daughter and sister

the tsunami election

Sunday March 9, 2008

Winds of change sweep Malaysia

THE first sign of a massive setback for the Barisan Nasional came at around 6pm. Incumbent Lembah Pantai MP Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil sent an SMS to say that she was going to lose her seat to her Parti Keadilan Rakyat challenger Nurul Izzah Anwar.

The ballots that were coming in did not look good.

The Women, Family and Community Development Minister said she had tried her best but gave an assurance that she was calm.

From Penang, my colleagues sent messages that Gerakan acting president Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon was trailing newcomer Dr P. Ramasamy in the Batu Kawan parliamentary seat.

The Gerakan, MCA and MIC were all wiped out, they said.

It became clear by 9pm that the Opposition had snatched the state from the Barisan, sending shockwaves throughout the country as Malaysians braced for more shocks.

In Sungai Siput, MIC president Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu put on a brave front as feedback came from his supporters that he had lost his parliamentary seat.

He told them he was going home for a bath and did not return.

In the words of many politicians, it was a political tsunami.

There was more, Kedah also fell to the Opposition, then Selangor and Perak.

The wounds inflicted by the Opposition were easily the worst for the Barisan.

Even in 1969, the then Alliance only lost Penang and Kelantan.

In Penang, the then opposition Gerakan, together with DAP and Parti Rakyat, won 20 seats against the Alliance’s four.

In Kelantan, PAS had 19 and the Alliance 19.

The People’s Progressive Party could have formed the state government if it had decided to forge a coalition with Gerakan, PAS and the DAP but the PPP refused.

The PPP was just two seats short of forming the government but it refused to work with Gerakan, DAP and PAS.

Even in that onslaught, Kedah remained safely in the hands of the Alliance with 14 seats against PAS’ eight and Gerakan’s two.

Last night’s results stunned Barisan leaders and the media.

They expected the winds of change to come to Penang and Kedah but they missed out on Selangor, certainly the jewel in the crown for the Opposition this time around.

Barisan had focused its attention on the anti-establishment sentiments of the non-Malays but overlooked the mood of the Malay voters in some states.

There was even a sense of denial in some ways.

For Barisan, they had expected some dents in the predominantly Chinese areas and a serious challenge from PAS in the east coast states but certainly not in Selangor and Perak.

While the non-Malays had their share of unhappiness, there were issues that cut across all races such as the cost of living, corruption, mismanagement and security.

At the grassroots level, there were perceptions that Barisan, following the massive win in the 2004 polls, had become too strong and that there was a need for a strong check and balance.

In 2004, the Barisan had 198 seats against 21 for the Opposition.

The voters, especially those in the urban areas, obviously wanted to send a strong message to the leadership.

They wanted their MPs to be more humble and certainly more careful with their choice of words, whether at their party assemblies or in Parliament.

But there is a big mess to be cleared – new state governments will be formed in Penang, Selangor, Kedah and Kelantan.

As at press time, PKR secretary-general Tan Sri Abdul Khalid Ibrahim is expected to be made the new Selangor Mentri Besar and almost likely, his predecessor Datuk Seri Dr Mohd Khir Toyo, the opposition leader.

In Penang, DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng will likely be the new Chief Minister.

But federal-state relations will never be the same again.

With the Barisan still in control of the Federal Government, it may even review its numerous projects in states lost to the Opposition.

As the most industrialised state in Malaysia, Selangor will be affected in many ways.

At 12.30am, the Barisan had secured a simple majority to form the government although there were neck-and-neck races in many seats.

At the end of the day, however, the clear winner was the democratic system in Malaysia.

Despite claims to the contrary, the 12th general election proved that democracy was very much alive in the country.

Source: The Star

the civil duty

for those who already exercised your right to vote.. i do hope that you had vote wisely.. as for moi, this was my first time ever to exercise my right.. so, i was really looking forward for that kind of experience.. alhamdulillah, everything went well and smoothly.. I didn't even have to wait and queue on the line.. since there was not so many people around at the time when moi, mom and my sister arrived at the polling centre around 11 am..

finally, people has made their choices.. we wanted to see some changes... less corruption.. efficient governance, administration and transparency in the government... sometimes change is good.. i do hope that something good will come out of this transition.. for candidates who had won their seats, please do take your job seriously.. it is such a huge responsibilities and i know it is very hard.. nevertheless, do whatever you can to keep the promises you made before the election..

i'd heard one of the collegue who would not cast his vote simply because he opposed of the present ruling government.. so, if you simply sit there and do nothing.. do you think that the government would simply exchange hands in its own way? you have at least to cast your vote if you wanted your voice to be heard.. that's simply your job.. and the least you can do..

i think i'm being more patriotic now than ever.. maybe because i'd been away from home for a very long time.. malaysia is my home.. i love being home and i'm very proud to be malaysian.. as for the old saying says, 'hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, baik lagi di negeri sendiri'..

the sequel

i don't know if the title is suitable enough for this entry.. one of dearest colleague experienced betrayal by another colleague.. not long after that, i experienced the same thing.. it came from a very close friend.. i felt like someone had slapped straight and hard to my face.. it was all began with one of our friend kind of needed help.. and the other friend who back-her up has made assumption and accusation of moi not being supportive enough for this so called 'needed friend'..

as for why i'm not being supportive enough... her being in trouble now.. her being such in a deep s**t.. is because of her own wrongdoing.. towards her parent.. for me, this is the root of all problems she facing right now.. yet, she acts as if this is not her fault, and nothing has to do with her.. being whiney and go on and on and on endlessly about her problems.. as if we ourselves live in a problematic free life.. as if she's the only one with the most difficult life in the world.. most of the trouble were usually involving and revolving around monetary.. things that i hate so much is that she could act all this innocent and pitiful of herself.. since been single back in the college days.. until now being married to a man who is most likely like herself.. what a perfect match to caused double trouble.. i know this because, another good friend of mine told me about this.. she was the wedding planner of the troublesome friend.. and she had witnessed a lot of disturbing things around the house.. and which i believed whatever single little thing she told me..

it's not that i don't want to help her.. i wanted too.. i have my own reason for not doing that.. maybe because i have a very strong and firm principle than anyone else on this matter.. that's why i'm being assumed/accused of so called unsupportive and unhelpful enough.. so i kind of gave up.. for me, what's the point of i'm feeding her fish everyday.. if she herself doesn't really want to CHANGE her life.. my wedding planner friend.. was helping out by not only feeding her fish but teaching her how to catch the fish as well.. but this so called needed friend seem ungrateful enough to have all these beautiful and helpful souls around her.. who are willing to help her in every way.. she would simply pinjam duit org sana.. pinjam duit org sini.. and her attitude towards her family is that she just order everything she wants.. i.e. mak nak duit, mak nak makan.. because of her attitude and willpower who simply doesn't want to CHANGE.. that's what pissed us (moi and the wedding planner) the most.. and NOT that i don't want to support and help her..

i might change my mind.. if she is willing to change her attitude and all.. as for the time being, that's where i stand.. if it takes 10-20 years her to realize what she's done is very wrong.. so be it.. and for this friend who called me unsupportive and unhelpful enough.. sorry, if my help and support doesn't really achieve your standard and par level.. because my definition of help is if there's any wrongdoing done by one of my close friends, i'm responsible to point that out.. and another thing is, if you really sincere wanted to help, you don't have to buzzing around to let everyone in this whole world knows.. so there, i rest my case..

note: different people take things differently.. you said, you always think good thing about other people.. yeah, that's your way of taking things.. not all people capable of doing that.. people like me, who happen to know the other side of the story.. just couldn't close my eyes and agree on whatever wrongdoing being done.. please bear that in mind before.. in case next time to assume people this and that..

bsb concert reunion

actually, I have no idea when this group would be coming to msia.. on monday, as usual with monday blues.. and with non-working mc staff.. I'm totally swamped with work... apparently my friend called a few times, moi with no avail.. then received email from her, and persuaded moi to go with her.. I said I don't know.. I'm too busy with work.. I called her crazy for wanted to go to that concert.. then, she replied I'm the one who crazy with work.. yeahh.. she was right on that one.. I didn't take it personally though... then, I asked what about your husband?.. knowing him who is not really into this boy band.. I still asked anyway.. but he's more into n'ysnc than bsb.. sorry min.. aku kutuk kau! benda betol pon kan? Kau kan suka JT.. hahaha.. so, that was a big NO.. he wasn't going.. then, rina and one of farid's colleague wanted to join.. as for moi, I'm still undecided at that point.. farid said 'come on la.. this is like our reunion with bsb after 10 years we'd been to their's concert back in st louis'.. that's very true and makes me thinking.. fine!.. point well taken.. what the heck.. since I've been working like crazy.. and no play at all.. I do kind of needed a break anyway.. at last farid, moi, rina and rina's sister were the final pack to go..

for moi, the almost one hour concert was compact, energetic and entertaining.. they called it beach party with bsb.. maybe because of the venue at sunw@y surf be@ch.. I knew it from the poster after the concert.. the only flaw was sound system.. as usual.. and the waiting.. haishh.. we'd all saying that 'bsb ni janji melayu'.. cos time stated on the ticket was 8pm.. we'd waited until almost 9.30pm.. finally, moi got a glimpse of AJ, howie, nick and brian came out wearing like boxer's robe.. did dancing and boxing move a bit.. they started with a few new songs which we didn't really familiar with.. so we just went along with the music.. ada terselit sikit 'larger than life'.. but it was just for a couple of lines.. after some time, they pumped it up with the oldies hits.. haa, baru la tau.. baru laa familiar.. as long as you love me, show me the meaning, backstreet back etc.. moi sucks at remembering the song title.. tapi bila nyanyi memang I know.. sorry la yer kawan2.. hahakss.. in between, each of them performed their's solo.. AJ and nick sang some kind of rock song.. brian and howie, sang somewhat similar to what they always sing in the group.. the last song they sang was 'shape of my heart'.. after our's 'we want more!.. we want more!' magic chanting.. as for the pictures, battery went dead earlier before long the concert last.. not so many captured.. I did meant to capture for all kind of wardrobe they'd wear.. they'd changed 3 times.. and surprisingly it didn't really took long at all.. first, they wore full suit of black leather.. secondly, changed to grey tux.. thirdly, colorful tshirts.. then, for the final song, they put on like batik/hawaiian shirt over the tshirts they wore before that..

the scariest experience ever after the concert.. in order to access upper parking level we had to go through a series of escalators.. I think that's the only and obvious way.. because I don't see any other way if let's say I wanted to go to the 3rd or 4th floor parking level.. unless they open up the backstage area.. or we go back inside the mall which was kind of complicated.. I'd never been to this beach area, so I don't really know.. imagine stream of people on 1st escalator.. that escalator was supported by small connecting space to continue to the next escalator.. what happened to the 2nd escalator was that it suddenly stop moving.. so, this bunch of people were standing still and waited until it moving again.. but the problem was that the 1st escalator below was still moving continuously and sending more people to that small connecting area.. and had caused a frantic over there.. it was like they had pushing toward each other.. but truly, it was not the case.. so upon seeing that, moi and farid, kept on walking, passed through a few of standing still people.. even though that escalator was stop dead right there and then.. the problem was management who handling the flow.. I don't know if it was really a technical issue.. or a person handling the escalator was non-expert on how to operate.. they seemed kind of clueless.. if you wanted people to climb the stairs by stopping the escalator, just put it to stop altogether.. another horrific moment, the 4th escalator went down instead of went up.. it was sending people down and clashed with the people who were sending up by the 3rd escalator.. so they kind of collided on that small foyer.. can you imagine how scary that was?.. I was imagining what if I'm the one who fall and got stampede by all those already panicking people? phieww.. that was really close call.. luckily, moi and farid, reached upper level safely.. we didn't even looked down.. we kept on going and climbing the escalator even though it was at stationary.. rina and her sister, were also lucky cos they had waited a bit longer rather than took that 3rd and 4th escalators.. otherwise, they'd be among who fall down when the escalator changed its direction..

despite the scariest ordeals after the concert.. despite neck and leg aches due to long stretched of all our limbs to catch glimpse of the real life of backstreet boys performance.. we had so much fun.. 10 years ago we were at their's concert in Busch Stadium.. we were so farthest away up on the upper level of the stadium.. last wednesday night, we could at least see and wave them all in person.. not boys but a very macho manly guys to ogle at indeed.. haha.. it was such a lost that Kevin was no longer with the group.. at least, we felt younger by 10 years.. and we love ya all!

facebook again..

finally, I'm the newest member of the facebook... I did managed to keep track of few lost contact friends.. to my surprise.. even my senior whom I know that not really IT savvy person.. was already a member there.. sungguh ketinggalan zaman la moi.. one of the dearest friend flew to sweden early this month to work on her phd... waaa.. sungguh banyak news for me.. now I totally agree this facebook thingy is awesome!

crazy cruel craving

If you asked me about any local or current soaps showing on tv.. I probably don't know and I could careless to know... my craving is the one and only with Kore@n soaps... I know it sounded so 'ancient' or maybe because it's been forgotten nowadays since the Winter Son@t@ made its debut.. no other Kore@n soap could outrun that story.. that's for sure.. it became such a phenomenal and hit tremendously in malaysia.. I believed that's the turning point of Kore@n drama in malaysia.. although I wasn't here at that time around to witness the anticipation..

at first, I wasn't into this soap thingy at all... just out of curiosity, I wonder what is so special about this series anyway.. my sister managed to borrow the CD from her friend.. so I'm very determined to watch and to complete the series at one go.. and I did .. since I have nothing to do at home.. still jobless at that time... after that, I became sort of addicted to Kore@n series.. I guess they have several 'X' factors which influenced me to watch them all... first of all, they don't have that vulgar love scene to sell.. secondly, they rely heavily on the drama itself.. for me, the line spoken sometimes is mind-blowing.. I never thought that it can be delivered beautifully.. so that makes the script was very well-written.. thirdly, their attitude and behavior are so polite and so gentle.. compare to us.. I'm talking about their courteous mannerism toward others i.e. driver to pedestrian.. that courteousness and politeness culture reflect their's daily life.. but how about us? we always said that it is part of our culture.. nonetheless, we did get a little jumpy when one of the survey result found out that we're not even 50% up to the courtesy standard.. for moi however, I'd kind of fall for that.. because it is very true.. it never reflects our manner.. and it never shows in our daily life... I know you would argue that it were all just acting.. but I've been to the lovely country.. and for me, I believed that some of the acting were true.. although not 100%.. of course.. and finally, they have young talented handsome actors and beautiful actresses to ogle at.. hehehe..

right now, I'm watching 'Cruel Love' at KBS world.. every Monday and Tuesday from 9pm to 10.15pm.. I preferred to hear them speak in Kore@n language.. rather than hearing voice over in Cantonese.. it is just so annoying.. I wanted to hear the actor's/actress's original voice.. not someone else's voice whom I don't know.. so if you're interested.. let's us make date on mon and tues then..

Amazing Race Asia II

I've been waiting with full anticipation the season finale of the Amazing Race Asia.. and I would say I loved the twisted ending!.. congratulation to collin and adrian on their stunning race performance during the final leg.. although at first it seemed like they never could outrun the filipino team.. but in the end, they proved to us that they were capable of doing just that.. I've been supporting this team since the season started.. maybe in favor of adrian's hearing and talking impairment.. I guess it's just so boring to support the strong team.. because they tend to become over-confident and over-arrogant over their's top place dominant.. but I would praise the filipino boys for not getting head over-the-heels on their consistent performance became 1st (or 2nd) on most of every leg.. I lost counted on how many times of their's top place winning.. on top of that, they were fully aware of their strong side-by-side contender...

or maybe it is de-javu that the strongest team would never win.. if you keep track the winners of the past seasons.. remember rob and amber in the original version of amazing race? they were at the top during the earlier race.. but ended-up being eliminated.. because of their's own mistakes.. and were not even in final 3.. devastated news for them.. but delighted news for me..

not to forget our malaysian team.. I would like to give a standing ovation to pamela and vanessa.. the team finished at 2nd place.. they'd also never thought that they could come ahead the filipino boys... I even have doubt with this team at first.. but it showed that girl power is still working its magic.. maybe they got it from zabrina and joe jer who'd won the 1st pilot season.. it's also proved that 'Malaysia Boleh!'

on the final road block task, they need to arrange 10 flags according to the country they had visited in correct order.. there were total of 13 flags provided for them to choose.. filipino boys had decided rowilson to do the task.. if marc has done the task instead of rowilson.. the terminator team would never had a chance to win.. it seemed like marc knows to most of the answer.. compare to row who'd struggled to get the right flag... adrian was representing terminator.. he just like, as row called him, a ninja.. who'd shoot the flags in their's holder like a crazy ninja... disability is not the reason to hold back to live a wonderful life but to live life to its fullest.. congrats to the Terminator team!!..

reunion on facebook.. or not..

in conjunction with chinese new year long holidays.. my friends and I had set our reunion/gathering luncheon at m@rchee d curve last thursday.. I had spaghetti and ice raspberries tea.. and that was it, my lunch.. since we'd so busy chatting and gossiping around.. we totally forgot to have the desserts.. it think we spent around 3 hours in there.. after that, waiting for one more friend who is the owner of 'Little H@ven'.. whom I know briefly back in Milwaukee.. she has 4 children now.. 2 boys and 2 girls.. what a bubbly family..

most stores were closed during that day.. I managed to mingle around for a while.. then, I'd decided to head to ike@.... which was jammed packed with people.. as usual.. the same scenario during any other holidays.. i.e. hari raya, christmas.. because my family is one of the reason that cause the frenzied crowd.. usually during 'hari raya' holidays.. since we don't have any out of the town village.. so mom would always asked us to drop by at ike@ whenever we go to visit families in KL.. I guess that's how city folks celebrate raya or any long holidays celebration..

I received numerous invitation to become a member of facebook.. I tried though.. but I don't know what happened, I just couldn't access it from my lotus notes email.. I don't know if it either because of the notes or the pc.. and I'm tired of trying you guys.. a friend who'd kind enough to invite me.. thank you so much.. and I think I might confused myself since I have so many ids and passwords to remember.. either it's related to work or not.. they are more than 5.. work alone are more than 6.. personal ids.. I simply lost track of the numbers.. the thing is I'm being threaten by dearest friends to become one of the member or otherwise I won't get to see the pictures of our gathering.. or invitation to anything... so cruel heh? what an extortion.. I totally forgot to bring my own camera on that day.. what a bummer!.. so, should I join facebook or not??..

engagement party

my dearest sister was engaged on her 23rd birthday last 19th January 2008.. I'd kind of expected this would coming.. and moi being older by 8 years still yet single and available.. ehm ehm.. so what my family say about this? well, for your information, it's not just me she'd skipped.. she skipped her 2 brothers as well.. since I'm the eldest and also the big sister, the pressure of course was heavier on me.. but you know, I never felt that pressure though.. so full and proud of myself heh? well, it's just I never wanted to over-think and over-burden myself.. I have this tendency of over-thinking and over-doing things.. just ask my close friends.. and they know that I am.. I couldn't sleep if I started thinking on heavy stuff like this i.e. marriage.. my mind won't stop working until I find the solution.. I used to be like that.. always edgy and worry what other people might think of me.. but over the time, I think I've become less paranoid, less perfectionist.. I try to control my mind.. I try to stop myself from over-thinking when i.e. the bed time comes.. or when I feel so restless.. which means I needed a break desperately.. I think if I keep that up, I would have OCD-obsessive compulsive disorder... seriously, I might.. for this marriage thing, I know in my heart, it is just a matter of time.. I have faith and believe in that.. what I need is your prayers for me to meet a good and descend person.. that's all I'm asking.. thank you for all your concerns..

mom's plan of the food was actually suppose to be a tea-break kind.. i.e. 'meehoon, 'mee' or 'laksa'.. instead we had this sort of late-lunch 'nasi beriyani' with complement of beef curry, 'dalca' and 'acar'.. on top of the original plan tea-break kind of serving.. 'roti jala' with complement of 'serawa durian' and chicken curry.. and 'kuih bakar'.. the 'nasi' was my auntie's idea.. since she's the family chef.. so we just follow whatever chef said.. the drink were consist of 2 kinds as well.. cold syrup and tea (as my 'nenek sedara' called it 'teh nipis').. it was really a grandeur feast for us.. according to the plan, the other party would be arrived around 2pm.. after zohor.. but then, we'd waited until 4pm.. still no sign of them.. and as I expected enough they'd arrived around 'asar'.. what a plan heh?.. I would say it was a family affairs for the other side.. because they brought along quite an entourage.. there wasn't enough space in our hall.. despite earlier I thought it would be enough since we'd cleared most of the furniture outside of the house.. the only one left was dining table.. some of their's family members had to sit outside.. but it wasn't really outside outside.. it just outside of the sliding door, where a place for us to sit around leisurely and have our tea after get home from work in the evening.. what an ironic, I would say..

speaking of grandeur.. the 'hantaran' were all grand.. it's not easy to find simple 'hantaran' nowadays.. everything were all grand.. compare back in the days.. from what I had witnessed during my older cousins's engagement 'kenduri'.. it were really simple, as I recalled.. maybe because it were long time ago.. and already became ancient stories, heh.. our side was suppose to give 7 'dulang'.. but instead we gave 9.. the additional 2 were from my beloved brother and his girlfriend.. lepas geram kot sbb tak dapat kawin dulu.. hahaha.. as for how long is the engagement period.. the guy's family asking for this june.. but mom said after 'raya'.. let's she catch her breath first.. that were her exact words.. since she has prior plans to attend to i.e. several office's trips.. as for moi, so agreed with mom.. I'm so swamp right now.. plus me and mom won't be around on April.. where we will be? you just have to wait to find the answer.. tungguuu...

new year.. new me..

I'm a bit behind to comment on this subject.. I'm aware of this.. it's just I never make or renew my resolution every year.. for me, it's really up to you when you want to accomplish your resolution.. and sometimes you can even do it in 6 months.. so should you wait until a year is over then only you make plan on another resolution? for me, it's just a guideline... maybe because it pleased your ear.. and the timing is easy to calculate rather than 365 days.. or 12 months.. or 8760 hours.. or 525600 minutes.. or 31536000 seconds.. a year is an easy guideline for new resolution.. for me, by right I should be working around the clock on my resolution.. every seconds every minutes and every breath you take is counting..

my resolution is always the same thing.. to become a better person.. as I reached to adulthood phase of life.. I can see clearly the transformation I'd made.. from rebellious selfish un-hearted teenager to calm compose and selfless person.. may I keep all this good things all along until the day I die.. and hoping to perform lesser sins.. the other area I would like to improve is expenses area.. in terms of my spending habit.. so that I have more buying and saving power... as of right now, I just don't have that freedom yet.. with fixed wage and price rised-up on just about everything I buy.. I just don't understand why is it really easy the price to go-up rather than go-down.. I mean I do understand because we're living in the world where capitalist controls the economy.. it's just when will it end?.. when will us finally living in the fair world.. plus it doesn't help with our wage being reviewed once a year.. if we're lucky, we get some.. if not, we'll have that same wage till next year review coming up.. I think I just might have to adjust and be prepare on whatever coming in the way.. one of my dearest friend warned me of this recession thingy.. which of course we never know when it comes.. it'll comes unannounced without knocking on your door.. so, this is a reminder for myself and to all my fellow friends out there..

and speaking of death.. I received a devastating email a few days ago from alumni mailing list.. one of our senior has passed away due to a heart complication.. his age was only 33 or 34.. I forgot his full name, and I'm not really close to him back in the college.. but he was the one who responsible on lodging and transporting new students like us from airport to the college.. it was a reality check for me, that you will never too young to die.. it's just a matter of time before we too, will follow his footsteps.. I pray that I still have time to prepare good deeds, and 'taubat' myself from every sins I've done... I pray that GOD keep guiding/leading me to a right direction and never ever leave me alone in the darkness.. may GOD bless him.. Al-Fatihah to allahyarham Halim and everyone who'd left us...

that's bring me to another reality check.. to keep a good health.. you never know what you have inside of your body.. every little pain or sickness, never treat it lightly or ignore them completely.. please take care of your health no matter what happened.. if you give excuses i.e. you have no time to take care of your health.. later when you sick, you'll make or have time in the world to do anything to get your health back.. take a good care of yourself before anyone else.. I know people depend on yourselves to do just about everything.. I know because I am.. nonetheless, if you're gone because of your carelessness, then it's just unforgivable.. to you and your dependent.. love yourself first before someone else.. that's my resolution for today.. what about you?

catching-up

I know it's been a long time since I updated this blog.. I'm leading a very hectic life after raya last year.. since new boss came in, it was all work for me.. and no time to play.. but started last month I'm making slot for futsal though.. since everyone at work were all very tense and edgy, we'd try to rev-up futsal training as soon as possible.. it was the only way to release tension and go away from hectic crazy work.. only GOD knows when all this madness will end.. I'd been buzzed by a dear colleague which highlighted on my non-existence post entry.. so this is a tribute to you..

to tell you the truth.. there's a lot of things going on in my life.. besides a detour and a major turning point in career life.. oh, if you're thinking I'm getting a promotion.. it's totally NOT that.. it's just a change of different job scope and responsibilities.. in my opinion, it's just more stuff placed on my plate.. I'm having trouble to finish them lot at one go.. until today, I'm still struggling to get everything right and fast.. but with little resource and poor data maintenance system.. I just couldn't get everything done right on time.. even if I started working at 5 in morning.. I still couldn't finish those reports on time.. plus I still have to provide support to the system users.. which sometimes I just feel like all crap.. sometimes I wonder why do I have to entertain all those stupid questions.. because they'd been doing this everyday... and still keep asking you the same questions.. again and again.. if it involves new things I don't mind at all to assist them.. in any way I can.. even though sometimes it's beyond my power and authority to help them.. if I feel like I'm too swamped to handle these things.. I just avoid phone calls.. sorry, I just couldn't deal with that at the moment..

I will try to upload some pictures.. if I can find them.. I have a lot of them.. but just don't know where are they located right now.. pc in the office is working at a snail pace mode.. there's no way I'm uploading the pics there.. I'll try to find time at home.. even home is also a working place for me.. so, I better stop here.. if I continue, I would go on forever and ever babbling about my boring non-stop working around the clock life.. I'll see you soon..

from,
moi