a letter from heart

dear sisters,

i wrote this letter to cleared some air and expressed myself in a right way.. as you all know when i'm blasting out in rage, i tend to babbling-out and most words that came out of my mouth were like bullets.. sharp and fast.. which sometimes i regret that i did say that.. so i guess i better put in words (and in a civilized manner) of what and how my feelings towards whatever you've done.. i just felt that it is one of my obligation that i need to fulfill.. and simply because i love you all..

i know that i'm not the nicest sister you all have maybe because of our distance relationship when you were still little girls.. i'm away from home across the globe.. and that i think shaped our relationships today.. our bonds seemed a bit shaky.. you were all grew-up before my eyes blink in your own way and i wish i was there to guide you.. i'm still here to guide you.. anytime anywhere..

i wish everyone is perfect.. i still hope that, but i know it is impossible to wish the impossible thing to happen.. but the most important advice i wanted to give is.. NEVER CROSS THE LINE.. it would be difficult to turn back to the original position.. i know the life on the other side of the line seem like a happy place to be.. let say if you did cross the line.. it is like you're left stranded and thirsty in the middle of the desert.. and you thought you see an OASIS in a hot steamy day.. but the truth is THERE IS NO OASIS.. THERE IS NO WATER TO DRINK.. then only you realized what you saw from the other side of the line was all ILLUSION and NOT REAL.. i know you don't know what LINE i'm talking about... it is what we called GREY area.. like grey shades in a pie chart.. no one ever perfectly know where is the line.. but you have to clear your mind.. and make the right choice/call/judgement.. if you're in that 50-50 situation.. when you're stuck in the middle.. never do the 'unconventional' things too far.. mistakes are acceptable.. but not the BIG one.. or not SMALL one but REPETITIOUS...

to the oldest ~ please grow-up!.. i never wanted to yell and to scold you.. you are about to get married for GOD sake.. i expected you to help me out with the house chores because you are the only one i could depended on.. at least i thought so.. but you always pissed me off.. you treat the house like you're living in the hotel.. at least they have housekeeping to do chores but we never have one.. the fact is you're back at home sharp after working hours.. could you help me out a little bit since my timing to reach home is the most unpredictable one.. but still even i reached home after 10pm at night.. i still washed the dishes (both full sinks) simply because i never wanted mom to do for us.. and my eyes sores simply just by looking at them..

to the middle ~ you're my only hope.. i'm counting on you.. because we do have the same character.. but you'll do it when you feel like doing it.. i never couldn't expected it would be done on a daily basis.. especially now since you have a boyfriend.. your time seemed pre-occupied with special/prior engagement.. i know you're the smartest one in the family.. but that doesn't give you a privilege to not helping us out at home.. you're still a sister and a daughter..

to the youngest ~ you know what you did was VERY VERY 'unconventional'.. and i felt like slapping you when i discovered it in the mall when we were out together.. but i never wanted to make a SCENE right there and then.. you would felt embarrassed and ashamed of having me as you sister.. i try to refrain myself from exposing you.. aku bukan jenis yg suka bukak aib orang.. i could see disgust from your brother's face.. all three of them.. it felt like you back-stabbed us with a really sharp knife on our's back really fast and really hard.. so before you make some stupid decision to pierced somewhere on your face THINK LONG AND THINK HARD!.. you are not living alone by yourself on this earth.. you still have mom, dad and me who cares on whatever you'll do!! we're not dead yet you know! in the future, please compose yourself in a very DEEP thought process and think about people around who lives with you.. what would they say/feel when you do this or that.. DO NOT BE SELFISH!.. your friend maybe think you're so cool to do that or whatever.. but they would easily leave you when you're in trouble! i bet my word on this! clearly, you're in THE MIDDLE OF THE LINE.. 50-50 INDECISIVE on whether to go for it or not! or maybe you're already so sure to do this.. it doesn't really matter.. because YOU DID CROSSED THE LINE!!

i'm so tired both work and home.. that's one of the reason i wrote this letter to all of you.. so simply put your feet on me and mom shoes.. we are so tired being expected to be like bionic woman and do just about everything.. don't it ever occurred to you all that we needed help?.. besides, we live in the same house together.. it's not like we live in the hotel and there's nothing to do besides sleep or shower or eat.. there's house chores to do.. simple thing without me to have to yell at you to do.. i even hated to yell because of this small thingy.. it's part of your responsibilities.. as a sister and as a daughter.. if you never wanted to change.. let me tell you one thing, it is a very tough world outside.. when you're done with your studies.. if you never wanted to take responsibility on simple things like this.. then, i guess you would never have a tough skin to survive in reality world.. and people won't trust to give you something extra simply because you're simply lack of responsibility.. and plus people don't like to befriend with lazy people..
and NEVER betray the trust family's has given to us.. it's a privilege you never wanted to lose.. family will STICK with you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!

i apologize for everything harsh i said to you all.. i never meant to say those words.. i just hope you all change/grow to a BETTER/GOOD HEART person.. not change to a WORST/HEARTLESS person.. i do hope that at least you feel twitched or at least has some compassionate.. rasa belas kasihan for me and mom.. we're not getting younger you know.. if let say you don't love us.. and hate us so much!!.. think of this advice as if i'm pinching real hard to wake you up from DREAMING.. if you have a HEART you would be at least try to change yourself.. at least, proof it to me that you're capable of changing yourself.. and proof it to me that i'm so dead wrong!.. but if you don't feel anything, then probably you're an ALIEN or non-homosapien from a different planet.. and probably you're not even my sisters..

from,
-your so called evil sister who love you all so very much-