spiritually cleansed

i went to ESQ training session last weekend.. at first i don't know it would be based on quran sunnah.. or there would be any correlation between history and science with quran.. i just thought it would teach us on how to control emotional and spiritual.. i kind of needed this spiritually cleansing session though after feeling down couple months ago.. after feeling so give-up with life.. astagfirullaha'zim.. berdosanya aku.. sedang allah almighty tak pernah give-up pada aku yet.. alhamdulillah.. allah beri kesempatan bertaubat dan beri hidayah dari tempat yg tidak disangka2.. at first my name wasn't listed because my others' collegue supposed to go.. but since she couldn't make it.. HR replaced my name.. so me, alhamdulillah with open mind and open heart.. i said ok.. at least I could be away from the office for a while.. that's the main reason though.. so why not!

now, i'm still at home so very sick.. with sore throat, very high fever, bad cough, flu etc.. even the doctor gave me 2 days MC.. because he said my temperature is quite high.. and if the fever still wouldn't subdue after 2 days.. come back to the clinic and do blood test.. to check if it's dengue fever.. oh gosh!.. that's clearly the doctor perception.. the truth is.. my heart was pumping so fast and i feel seram sejuk is because of feeling so scared, so kerdil, so berdosa, so not worth it to received hidayah from ALLAH the ALMIGHTY.. sesungguhnya allah itu lebih dekat darimu dari urat lehermu sendiri.. i'm imagining myself as a dust.. without this body, bones, blood.. i'm simply a dust.. i'm simply nothing..

i never been to this kind of training before.. for me it is very powerful and very truthful and very mind blowing.. i never thought of life would be this way.. we already know most of the stuff they taught in there.. it is the question of how much do we 'absorbed' that knowledge in our life.. this is really something out of the box thing.. the training consist of singing, games and not talking semata.. and the speakers is a very charismatic and a very good story teller.. plus a very good looking as well.. so very eye candy to look at.. so tak sempat la aku nak mengantuk.. suka sangat cerita pasal rempit, status quo of social status, shopping trip to bandung, and even tarian poco-poco yg aku pon sampai now still tak tau apa ke mendenya tu.. he is well versed with our m'sian esp melayu society life.. walau not local people... maybe dah lama based kat KL kot.. study pon kat UIA dulu.. no wonder la kan..

whatever it is yg dia sampaikan tu banyak betolnya.. banyak kebenarannya.. since that example is so very near to us.. for example, me myself yg rasa macam dah penat sangat nak buat keje kat umah.. sampai aku terfikir berapa lama aku larat nak buat mende2 ni semua sorang2.. why adik2 aku tak nak tolong aku buat mende2 tu.. tapi whatever kita give kita forget.. cukuplah malaikat sebelah kanan ni menulis amalan baik kita.. cukuplah bonus yg ALLAH akan beri pada kita di kemudian hari.. but of course.. semlm kita ingat mende tu.. tapi hari ni lupa balik.. sesungguhnya hidupku matiku hanya kerana allah ta'ala.. i learned all this thing at school.. but then bila dah lama2.. dah lama tak praktikkan apa yg belajar dulu.. rasa macam tersesat jalan pulak.. and what i like the most sebenarnya tak menjadi dosa if kita ada cita2 besar.. cita2 mahu menjadi kaya raya.. cita2 mahu menjadi org yg berpangkat besar... and do everything with hardwork and perfect way.. bcos whatever Allah creates are all perfect.. tapi apa sahaja yg kita lakukan itu MESTI berpaksikan kepada ALLAH.. which maybe most of us not practiced.. the question is are we able to do that or not? this is the classic scenario knowing but not practicing.. ilmu yang kita dapat HARUS disebarkan dan diamalkan.. in fact this is one of the question that would be asked later.. adakah ianya antara amalan yg termasuk dalam amal jariah yg kita kerjakan.. wallahu'alam..

this training includes scientific findings and historic events to support ayat Quran.. i always love it when they do this thing.. i always try to fascinate myself with whatever God's creation.. bcos whatever HE creates is always PERFECT and BEAUTIFUL.. very clear and near example is ourselves.. very complicated chromosoms, DNA etc.. even before this pon i like science.. and i try to relate them with ayat Quran.. that's why i try to read Quran with the meaning as well.. but here they do it more precisely and more accurately.. and in a very subtle way.. and I do treasure history.. walau even masa kat sekolah tak suka sangat.. but now I try to read and learn anything related to history.. sangat emotional bila cerita pasal rasulullah SAW.. memang from sekolah2 dulu pon if belajar pasai Nabi Muhammad SAW.. mesti rasa sayu sedih hiba sangat.. when baginda kena baling batu, when kena cemuh and kena maki dek kafir quraisy.. ya allah ya tuhanku tetapkan rasa kecintaan padaMu dan pada Nabi Muhammad yg ada sedikit di dalam hatiku ini selama2nya... aminn..

when we see where to go, we see how to go, now is time of total action to achieve pengabdian diri pada ALLAH.. to all my friends, minta maaf jika saya menyusahkan kalian semua.. minta maaf pada segala keterlanjuran kata perbuatan sengaja atau pon tidak.. terima kasih kerana atas rasa kasih dan sayang telah mengambil berat berkenaan diri saya.. sangat concern and sangat caring.. hanya ALLAH yg dapat membalas jasa2 kalian.. jika nabi muhammad SAW itu tiada, mungkin kita juga tiada di sini.. cintailah allah, malaikat, rasul, kitab2 and hari kiamat.. and our long term vision is syurga... please go here https://esq.com.my for more info.. i highly recommended this training.. jika ada kelapangan.. and kelebihan rezeki.. please take time and invest your money on this training.. you will become alumnis for the rest of your life.. the benefit is whenever they conduct the training, you can join and participate to 'RECHARGE'.. for free of charge..